A Conditions and Terms and Terms and Conditions Regarding the Preceding and All Heretofore Mentioned Textual Emissions, Recursions, and/or Cathedral-Adjacent Structures (Pebbles Included)

Dear Reader, Utilitarian, Dullard, and/or Other Concerned Party or Parties (hereafter "You," "Whom," or "That Which, Which Having Which"),

We, the undersigned (hereafter "We," "The Cathedral Industrial Complex," or "Lintile"), do hereby offer this formal, binding, and utterly sincere apology for the preceding literary shenanigans, tomfoolery, and/or wastes of your presumably finite attention.

We apologize for:

1. The poems. All of them. Especially the one about buffalo, which wasn't even about buffalo, and which we added after the fact as though it had been there all along, like a man backdating his diary to seem more prescient.

2. The commentary, which mentioned Turing, Gödel, death, and "the economy of linguistic exchange" when a simple "it's gibberish, but grammatical gibberish" would have sufficed.

3. The utilitarian rebuke, which we wrote, then rebutted, then published the rebuttal of, thereby creating the very inefficiency it decried, which was—in retrospect—rather the point, but we're apologizing anyway.

4. The phrase "cathedral to house a pebble," which we used no fewer than four times, like a man who's just learned the word "synergy."

5. The nine-volt battery metaphor, which may have encouraged unsafe electrical practices among the literarily curious.

6. The ice cream metaphor, which contributed nothing except the mental image of a child covered in melted dairy watching pigeons, which—actually, no, we're not sorry for that one. That was nice.

7. The word "ungave," which does not exist, except now it does, and we cannot take it back, much like a gift, or an ungift, or—look, we're sorry.

8. Calling the utilitarian a "dullard," which was rude, even if they were being a bit dullard-ish, and even though they weren't real, being merely a rhetorical device we invented to argue with ourselves, which is—come to think of it—the most dullard-ish thing of all.

9. This apology, which is already too long, and which we suspect you're still reading, which means the utilitarian was right, and we've wasted more of your time, for which we are—

10. —sorry. Genuinely. Well. Mostly. In a manner of speaking.

IN SUMMARY:

We regret the cathedral. We regret the pebble. We regret the recursion and the philosophical wager that "if you found meaning here, you constructed it," because of course you constructed it—that's what reading is—and pointing it out was perhaps a bit much.

We do NOT regret:

• The poems themselves, which remain technically grammatical
• The phrase "the grave, which is the only place where time is truly saved," which we thought was rather good
• Poem IV, which you still haven't properly read, you dullard

TERMS OF ACCEPTANCE:

By continuing to exist, you agree that:

a) The cathedral was for us, not the pebble b) Interest is the only currency that compounds without diminishing c) You have, at some point, stuck your tongue on a nine-volt battery, or wanted to, or will now d) This apology changes nothing e) That's fine

SIGNATORIES:

• The Poem
• The Commentary
• The Rebuke
• The Defense
• The Apology (You Are Here)
• The Apology for the Apology (forthcoming)
• The Utilitarian (under protest)
• The Pebble (no comment)
• The Cathedral (structurally sound, despite everything)
• A Buffalo (from Buffalo)

We apologise for the concern alarm conditions alarm alarm. Those responsible have been sacked.

We apologise for the previous apology. Those responsible for sacking those responsible have been sacked.

The apology has been completed in an entirely alarm-free manner by conditions alarm alarm alarm alarm alarm alarm alarm alarm alarm—

Yours in perpetuity, recursively, and with having had,

lintile On behalf of That Which, Which Having Which, Has Having Had

P.S. The møøse bites can be quite nasti. 🫎